(Photo: The Faster Times)

So you are out on the town and you develop an insatiable craving for a quickie. We are not talking about food here. Yeah, we’re talking about sex, baby. Quick, dirty, shameless, and potentially arrest-worthy sex. Now, we are not encouraging or condoning this behavior by any means. But if public quickies are your thing, we thought up a few great spots for that purpose, using the power of our vivid imagination.

Have It All In The Bathroom Stall

It’s the most cliché public location to do it, but there is a reason for that; it’s easy and effective, and in this borough there are a plethora of bars that are practically designed for a good ol’ quickie! Bars that have unisex bathrooms with full length doors are preferred! Especially large stalls. Not too large though! Ones that have just enough space to move around, and with walls close enough together so that you can use them to push off of and get creative with your positions. 

Risk Factor: Although some bars are used to this kind of deviant behavior, if you get caught coming out together, or if you get yelled at by a bar staff member, you can always use the old “I was helping them with their zipper” or “I was putting some ointment on their new tattoo” line.

Here is a quick run-down of where to get some "stall" action:

• Tamdem, 236 Troutman Street, Bushwick
• Union Pool, 484 Union Avenue, Williamsburg
• Double Windsor, 210 Prospect Park W, Windsor Terrace
• Huckleberry Bar, 588 Grand Street, Williamsburg
• Pine Box Rock Shop, 12 Grattan Street, Bushwick

Crammin’ In The Car

Drive you and your lover, friend with benefits or whatever label they’ve been bestowed with down to the industrial section of Bushwick. Sort of around the Morgan L train stop, but blocks away from it. Despite a few wandering tipsy hipsters it’s isolated enough and makes for a pretty solid private spot for sexy time. Just park and dress for car sex. After 11pm is best. Try Harrison Place and Porter Avenue for a quick car date with an awesome graffiti-walled backdrop.

Risk Involved:  The worst that could happen is you get watched by a creepy factory worker. But, a dress or skirt should be a requirement for this so in case you get busted, they won’t see anything substantial.

Go Down In The Park

Let’s go down to the park, and let’s go down in the park. And what Brooklyn public park has more opportunities than the whopping 585-acre Prospect Park? Just stay away from where the kids play, please!! We suggest going deep into the woods. 

Risk Involved:  When joggers begin to dodge you, then go deeper – into the woods that is!

Dressing Room Party

The dressing rooms at Urban Outfitters are conveniently unisex, so if the employees are busy or distracted this can be arranged. You and your mate can both try on a variety of garments, and sneak into one room together. It is mega risky, but could be mega worth it. But remember, you want the next shopper  that wanders in to be oblivious of your dressing room acts, so keep it clean! 166 Atlantic Avenue, Downtown Brooklyn

Risk Involved: Given the variety of stores to shop in Brooklyn, getting permanently banned from Urban Outfitters doesn’t sound so bad.

Time Machine Sex

It would probably be pretty cool to have sex in a time machine and The Way Station has just that; a bathroom which they altered into a Dr. Who Time Machine. Since it’s located right near the bar, be prepared to have a “quick” plan of action.  No worries though because the later it gets the risk factor decreases as your bar mates’ level of intoxication increases. The Way Station, 683 Washington Ave, Prospect Heights

Risk Involved: You getting transported to a different world (of course we’re only kidding)