You’ve been dating for a few months now and things seem to be moving smoothly. You talk and text several times a day, you’ve met each other’s friends (and tried your best not to hate them…too much), and while you don’t cohabitate, your toothbrush is having sleepovers in their bathroom. Things are awesome! Or so you thought. It has come to your attention that your new mate has no interest in marriage and is also seeing someone else. You are upset! “Why didn’t they tell me?!” Simple - maybe it’s because “You never asked.”

Go ahead, get a bottle of wine and some ice cream, and tell your friends what a complete jerk this person is. When you are done, you need to take a step back and acknowledge the fact that you forgot to do your homework and thus failed the “class”. All isn’t lost though. Life will let you take the “class” over, but this time you have to do your research.

Questions to ask within the first month (It’s generally good to ask them all in one sitting, but go at your own pace)

1.  Are you dating anyone or in a relationship?

As a second part to this question you should also ask “Does anyone think that they are in a relationship with you?” You definitely don’t want to step into a pool of drama.

2.  What do you do for a living?

It’s important to know what you are getting into and to have them know the same. If you don’t want to be alone while in a relationship, then don’t date someone who travels thirty weeks a year for work.  Additionally, in this economy, this person may not even have a job. Can you handle that? In both cases it is important to be honest with yourself based on the information that you’ve received.

3.  Do you have children?

This might be a deal breaker for you and it’s better to know sooner than later so that no one wastes their time. If you love children and are cool with your potential partner having them, you need to ask a follow up question about their relationship with the other parent. NOTE: If they don’t have children but want them someday and you don’t, this is where you would walk away.

4.  Freestyle

Think about what your expectations are. Make a  list of non-negotiables and start rattling them off. It may seem like a lot but the point is to be honest. They don’t want their time wasted either. So if you can’t date anyone that thinks Bill O’Reilly is the king of all political media, then say so.

Dating in the beginning is one long job interview and unfortunately, since there are no references for you to call, you have to do some digging. Ask the question that you want to know the answer to. Don’t end up surprised later.